Turning eighteen is supposed to be a huge deal, but at first your entry into adulthood can seem a bit overhyped. Finally, you can go to real prison. You can do everything an American twenty-one-year-old can do—but only in Europe. You can be selected for Jury Duty. Leonardo DiCaprio can legally cash you in for his current red carpet side piece.
In short, turning eighteen is more of a symbolic milestone—but don’t let this discourage you completely. There’s a perk you freshly turned eighteenies might’ve missed: you can now “go stupid” if you will, at the local 18+ club. Seattle isn’t known for its nightlife, but Trinity Night Club on Occidental Ave. is working to change that. Although you’re still three years short of legal substance use, you can surely obtain an experience of ‘substance’ at Trinity—the hottest place in town for Millennials and Bulldogs alike.
Do you enjoy meeting new people and not talking to them? Do you have no better place to be on a Friday night? Are you in need of somewhere to waste—I mean invest—twenty-four dollars? Do you enjoy EDM (Evil Dungeon Music)? Are crowds not really your thing? If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, Trinity might just be the place for you.
First-time visitors of Trinity Night Club must keep note of several important details; upon your arrival at Trinity, you will be faced with the lethal trifecta of entertainment: a dimly-lit bar (no minors served), an upper-level lounge (no minors permitted), and a themed light show accompanied exclusively by the song, “Dance Monkey” on an endless loop. The spatial design of the dance floor is, to say the least, impressive—there’s just enough space for everyone to have their own corner with room to spare. As you’re shifting about the room, you’ll notice a dude—likely unemployed and in his thirties—breakdancing in the middle of the floor. Be careful not to trip on him; you might mess up his “flow.” And don’t let the bouncer fool you. He may exude a tough exterior, but ultimately, he’s just a big Teddy bear.
Don’t get me wrong; I know that first impressions are objective, and my opinion of Trinity may be completely different from the average Joe’s—but before you assume that I’m strictly mocking the club for fun, just listen to these Yelp reviews:
User @ProudMamaBear01 wrote, “My son Brayden and I attended Trinity Club to celebrate his 18th birthday–let’s just say that the ratio of glow sticks to pants of appropriate length was atrocious.”
User @KpopBop44 wrote, “My girlfriends and I went to K-pop night—OMG was it vibey. One of the projectors fell from the ceiling and hit me on the head during my favorite BTS song, but I was having SO much fun I couldn’t even feel the pain!”
User @MulletWarrior3000 wrote, “The bouncer, Mikey, was a dude I knew back in 96’; the place hasn’t changed a bit since.”
User @Looking4a3rd wrote, “My partner and I (refer to username) attempted to use Trinity Night Club as a meeting spot (refer to username) and were ghosted by a third-party entity. DM separately (refer to username) if interested.”
User @DeonardoLiCaprio wrote, “This place was truly impeccable, lots of young ladies to, uhh, talk to! Haha… for real though, HMU…”
*Fake yelp reviews
