You’ve just woken up to a crisp breeze blowing through your bedroom window. Peering outside you notice that the trees are still and shrouded in fog much like the big stall of the gender neutral bathroom. It’s quiet… almost too quiet. Glancing at your clock you jump out of bed. Shoot! It’s 9:15. You overslept. Oh well, looks like you’re going to have to skip first period home care.
Something sweet is wafting in from the kitchen. Mmmm delicious, it smells like pancakes. After shuffling through your plethora of vintage jeans, you pick out the baggiest pair and search for your UGGs, but to no avail. Naturally, you follow your nose downstairs into the kitchen where you find a mysterious figure cooking on the stove. They turn around and it’s Savoie.
“The correlation between pancakes and a good day at school is quite strong,” she says grinning. “And don’t worry I already packed your bag for school,” she says handing you a clear backpack. “ It’s a new school policy.” You think to yourself: Am I dreaming? After finishing up your pancakes, you find your UGGs by the door, grab the car keys, and step outside. It’s now dumping rain so you run to your matte black cybertruck.
Parking at school is a nightmare. While turning a roundabout a kid with a galaxy backpack appears out of nowhere on the street and THUD! You hit him. Crap. It’s Mr. Nomura. You jump out of the car mind racing but he’s nowhere to be seen.
“Don’t worry about it, I have 9 lives, now 8 I guess haha.” You spin around and Nomura is standing there good as new. “Now get to class tut tut.” After settling for a parking spot on 27th you hustle towards the school. When you reach the front doors you are soaked and your UGGs are sopping wet. You ring the buzzer. “Name, grade, social security number, spirit animal.” Before you can attempt answering, the door bursts open and Hawk Tuah girl welcomes you inside. Could this day get any weirder?
Passing through the commons, you see it’s full of students eating. You check your phone confused because it’s only 9:45. Tapping the guy to your left you ask, “Is it lunch right now?”
“Yes they moved lunch to be 20 minutes between 1st and 2nd period, and now advisory is 2 hours long between 4th and 5th everyday,” he responds. After awkwardly standing on the side of the lunchroom, the bell rings and you head off to second period health. When you reach Ms. Manuels classroom you see a note written on the door that says Health class has been permanently moved to the dungeons: entrance can be found behind the dumpsters. At this point nothing is phasing you so you walk to the side door to exit the building. Just as you touch the door, metal bars crash down from the ceiling and an alarm blares “NO EXITING VIA SIDE DOOR, MUST USE FRONT DOOR!”
Finally after walking out the front of the building and around to the dumpsters you find the secret door and descend the spiral staircase. Ms. Manuel’s voice echoes up the stairwell and you hear her say to the class “Today we will be learning how to put on condoms –please find a partner.” You stop in your tracks. Oh hell no. It might be time to call it a day. While trudging back to your parking spot it feels like you’re being followed. Out of the corner of your eye you see them on lime scooters: the truancy officers, they’ve found you. Picking up your pace you start running until you slip in a big puddle and crash to the ground.
You jolt awake. It was just a dream, you’re safe. Ms. Harris continues her lecture on Hamlet and the normal day at Garfield continues.
