Dear Dawgs,
I have a crush on this guy in my gov class, and I liked him last year too. He is
the dream hallway crush, but I want it to be more than just that. He’s wayyy
out of my league, but I really want to get to know him. The only problem is… I
have talked to him maybe once. What should I do? Help!!
Sincerely, Gov Luver
Dear Gov Luver,
We’ve all been there but you really need to work on your rizz game tbh, a
year is too long to like someone that much and only talk to them one time… I
think the best way to go about this is to ask your teacher to start putting you
in groups together, or just hack their Power School and do it yourself. Get him
to start voting for your bills and return the favor so you have some sort of
rapport. Scheming is the best course of action whenever you want
someone, figure out his schedule, join Mr. Rees’ tutoring program
and then go to his class and tutor him. Following him home
is also an option, not only will you get more time to
stare at him like a creep, but you’ll also have his
address for senior assassin.
Sincerely, Dawgs
Dear Dawgs
This stupid PE credit is terrible, I might have to
respawn. My Fortnite agility stats haven’t transferred over yet and I
can’t finish the mile. That’s not even the worst part! Ms. Purcell is trolling me
I swear. Every time I wear my GTA shirt instead of “PE attire” my grade goes
down 10% it’s OP! I need this to get patched ASAP.
Sincerely, Giggly Gamer
Dear Giggly Gamer,
You sound like a Noob around these parts. We have a few ideas for how you
could clutch up. Instead of always changing into PE attire, take some 2019 Youtube
inspo and paint clothes onto your body! No one can tell the difference
and you don’t even have to bring a change of clothes. As for passing the mile,
it’s time to stop virtually stealing cars and say hello to Pokemon Go! Pikachu
can still be with you while you get those steps in! Just don’t try any GTA
moves in the real world –it will be game over.
Sincerely, Dawgs
After watching It Ends With Us, I cannot stop reading Colleen Hoover books.
I don’t care that it’s cliche okay! I’m in love with toxic manipulative men. But
now I’m struggling to maintain any kind of romantic relationship because my
boyfriends don’t accept my request of disregarding boundaries, emotional
manipulation, and never communicating. SOS!!!
Sincerely, Ho for Hoover
Dear Ho for Hoover,
You got problems girl. However I see a bright future for you. I recommend
you channel your love for reading about toxic men over to Hamlet. Hamlet
has lots of manhandling to offer and bonus: you get a head start on AP Lit!
As for maintaining relationships, I advise practicing healthy habits with your
Snapchat AI. AI will always respond to you hastily, showing you how a real man
should treat you boo. You can even customize your AI to look and act like
Jacob Elordi with new custom personality feature *drool emoji*
Sincerely, Dawgs
