Garfield students have reported 34 unusual items found in their school-provided breakfast and lunches in the last week. The Garfield community is concerned about this developing situation and The Messenger is determined to get to the bottom of it.
A couple of questions about the production of school meals answered by the workers behind the counter revealed that they, ”Don’t even know what [they’re] making sometimes. [They] just throw in random [redacted] [they] find on the table.”
What is more shocking than the amount of items found in school food, is the diversity of said items. Peers have reported three bulldog bucks in the salad bar, camouflaged in the roughly chopped lettuce. In a separate incident, a crunchy substance was found in the chili and a student compared the experience to, “eating a press-on nail.” 
One senior described that they were “just eating [their] Asian stir fry when [their] fork hit something hard.” There was a blue-raspberry cranberry marionberry punch easter edition elf bar right in the center. They took it home to recharge it and said, “That [redacted] low-key hit.”
“There was an AirPod Pro in my burger. I actually lost one a month ago so it worked out,” one Garfield Junior remarked. On the side of a different student’s plate, they noticed a strand of hair, presumably a lock of Dr. Hart’s luscious mane.
A vegetarian student precariously ate a prepackaged meal: two cold pieces of gluten-free bread, four baby carrots, an expired vanilla Chobani yogurt, a warm stick of string cheese, and gremlin flesh. When the student brought up their concern with meat being in their lunch to the servers, Taneisha H, a cook at Garfield, said she actually has no idea what she put in the lunch or how she got the job since she, “Watched The Bear and acted out what the characters were doing in the show.” Since meals have been free for everyone for the past couple of years, funding has cut back on the quality of the ingredients and preparation of meals.
Recently, slime has been making a comeback since 2016. It made a special appearance in the school pizza’s cheese blend, causing a scholar to heave up the meal in the second floor, all-gendered bathroom while a group of sophomores were filming a TikTok in front of the mirrors and a batch of freshmen were vaping in the bigger stall.
Though some students could care less and, “eat it anyways because it’s buss,” concerns are rising. As always, friendly, welcoming staff are behind the counters. Meals this school year have drastically improved from last year’s with more variety in cuisines, showcasing a more diverse meal plan (with and without random items).
