Disclaimer: This is a satirical opinion article, and the sentiments within this piece do not necessarily reflect the Messenger’s views as an organization.

Easter is like many other holidays.

It has become disassociated from its original purpose:  noun . Although many people still participate in noun , the majority of Easter-celebrators enjoy pass-times such as  verb(ing) ,  verb (ing)  , and verb (ing) .

They hardly ever go to place/location anymore, instead opting to gorge on food and drink , watch television program , and listen to the crinkle of wrappers as their children unhinge their jaws to scarf down the bite-sized foods that were inside the eggs hidden in plain sight.

On Easter, we are supposed to remember the noun of Jesus Christ, who verb(ed) for the sins of humanity. Back in the olden days, people didn’t like Jesus because he defied the religious practices of the time. He told stories about noun, noun, and noun, and people liked him so much that they verb(ed) him. Jesus had twelve plural noun who loved and followed him, but one of these plural noun betrayed him. With one verb on the cheek, Jesus was under arrest for telling the wrong kind of stories. Jesus was tortured with noun and noun, and a crown of plural noun was placed upon his head. He had to carry a wooden cross–which was adverb and adverb–all by himself, to the top of a big noun. After asking his dad what to do, he died on the big noun. Jesus was placed in a location and verb(ed) again after three days.

We celebrate this miracle, not by honoring his life, but by gathering plural noun from the Easter noun, who is not Jesus.