As college admissions season begins, the class of 2029 has begun the gruesome process of making friends the oldest way known: the internet. Preparing Instagram captions for the class of 2029 accounts of schools that they’re alllllmost committed to has been a stressful and taxing duty to face.

Hapril (the H is silent) Phools is probably, almost definitely, and quite possibly going to enroll at Pomelo University, and absolutely needs to make sure everyone knows how much she loves nature. “I just think that how I love both spending time outdoors AND a cozy night with my book is one of my most quirky qualities,” Phools says. “I’m looking for a potential roommate, feel free to reach out!”

Jim Broe, a plausibly prospective Mahogany University attendee, is trying to convey his unique pastimes of listening to music and working out. “I’m just a nice and chill guy that loves leg day and Ye,” Broe says. “If anyone wants to be my roommate please please let me know, I’d love to be convinced to go to Mahogany,” Broe says, adding “I promise I won’t bite!”

Patient Patty is likely, almost assuredly, probably going to commit to Schmarvard, once she gets off the waitlist that is. “Schmarvard is definitely in my top three,” Patty says. “Please please please reach out if you’re looking for a roommate,” Patty adds. “I feel confident that I’ll get off the waitlist, I’m just waiting for my dad to cut the check.”