Semicolons
This one seems self-explanatory for the most part; who do you think you are? There’s absolutely nothing more pretentious than someone who uses semicolons in their writing, especially casually; it feels like a personal attack on me and my intelligence whenever I stumble upon one of those things. Semicolons are beyond prissy; we already have colons so honestly what is the point? Semicolons and colons are like sisters except semicolons are the ugly sister that everyone loves because they feel bad (I don’t). Either finish your thought or don’t, stop trying to confuse everyone; we’re all confused! As a society it’s time we stopped giving semicolon users the attention they’re begging for. It’s unsettling and I have no problem being the one to admit it; this has all gone too far. I’ll even offer my brilliant concept of semicolon rehabilitation; patients can utilize their time in solitary confinement repeatedly using periods or commas until they’re back to normal and ready to be integrated back into society with us normal people. Fun fact: the creator of the semicolon, Aldus Manutius, revealed that it was his biggest regret on his deathbed.
Purple
Even the word itself is pissing me off. I’m literally fuming rn. It’s literally the oddest color to exist, anyone who claims their favorite color is purlep is lying through their teeth. How could U look at all the colors and choose …pruple? Urple is lame. Puprle is a nepo baby, birthed by the two most popular colors in the world and praised for that very reason. P*rple is like the Gracie Abrams of the color wheel. You ever wonder why some people leave it out of the rainbow? It’s a nuisance! To make things worst, the small but dreadful percentage of the population that love the color purpl, always feel the need to make it their identity… they’re social experiments, hand picked by the government jus to create division among us (hehe) and distract us from what’s really happening (i’m not crazy btw). I dont’ know, I just don’t like it, it makes me mad. Anyone wearing puurple LOOKED for that, they don’t sell that stuff in normal people stores. Of the 16.7 million colors in the world you chose purpl? Idk do better. Why should I even have to explain this one? No more purpe.
Do Not Disturb
I don’t have a problem with the feature in itself. It’s the people who abuse its power. I get it, people have lives! I’m all for social interaction or whatever. But things have gotten out of hand, yesterday I texted my therapist mid meltdown and she literally had me on DND, I had to call her thrice! People like the way being on Do Not Disturb makes them feel about themselves, it gives them a false sense of productivity, like they’re really doing something with their lives. By the time I actually reach you, the enthusiasm is gone, it’s pathetic, I feel like a beggar. I think this feature is only useful when used by useful people. Seriously, you’re rotting in your bed, unshowered for three days, in the same clothes for nine, so really… what exactly am I disturbing? Your doom scrolling? If anything Do Not Disturb is enabling you, it’s not helping you focus, it’s simply distracting you from life. The most productive people in the world did not have Do Not Disturb. In fact Alexander Hamitlon wrote all fifty-one essays with his ringer on and volume to the highest setting. Turn that crap off and go write that APUSH essay you’ve been procrastinating about, you’re welcome.
“The book is better”
Go read the book then bro. Do you know how obnoxious you sound? The Hunger Games is much more enjoyable to watch without some puny little fly in your ear nagging about how much better the godforsaken book is. Nerd. It’s 2025. Who’s still reading books? Even JK Rowling chooses the movies. The book has been adapted, it’s time for you to follow suit. We’re evolving, I don’t need to use my brain anymore. Reading is exhausting. Romeo and Juliet is much more engaging with Leonardo DiCaprio on my screen. Not to mention, reading is useless. My vocab is already hella good. From this day forward, I’m never reading a book again, let’s just make everything into movies! AP Calc textbook? Movie it! Bio homework? Movie itttt! Think about it, movies are peak. Name one bad movie, I assure you it doesn’t exist (we don’t talk about Cats.). You’re not an old soul, you’re just a freak. You’re always offering your stupid unwarranted opinion. I mention my love for the Percy Jackson series and here comes a tribe of greasy little geeks chanting “the book is better.”
Patterned Socks
Stop trying to make a statement. Just be normal. Ur mom is concerned and everytime she does the laundry she winces at your tacky obnoxious socks. We all know what you’re doing. Quit tryna discreetly rebel, if you were bold enough, you’d wear it with pride U punk. I propose the idea of sock checks at the front steps, security equipped with white socks in hand for the nonconformists. Each student would be required to pull their pant leg up about an inch or so just for the safety of other students. Think about it, what kind of message are you sending to the youth with your knee high neon donut socks? You are poisoning the children of our community. Stop the madness. Patterned socks aren’t too common to come across, so to imagine someone deliberately searching the ends of the earth for intentionally off-putting socks is sickening. The effort is astonishing really, I’ll give U that. But why? Do you get some sick satisfaction out of distressing the masses? Idk i’m getting nauseous thinking about it lowkey, do better dude… #ProtectTheYouth #FreeDaDogs #AnkleSocksAreUnacceptable #Praying4U
