66 million years ago: here’s this weird rock in the sky thats like on fire right now. Lowk kinda gas. Uh oh its getting bigger and bigger. Oh god, its really close i can feel the heat. The dinos are running. I should hop on a pterodactylteradactyl. Okay bye
May 4th, ????: gorgeizork mii goorgizorgun. Brurgmunn durgwiiit galactiiss yoorneen iv woidlressng. Friens ludds poochie 7dkd2choong shoobbinlochum graa vroood lom arrrtoodeetu pheepheeate ri seethreepioh— dirbong xoot miiit geeet goop llodsh mooit [Hello from Tatooine. I have traveled to a new galaxy. My new friends are C3-PO, BB-8, and R2-D2.]
44 BCE: bro istg the romans are so dramatic wait.. Why Julieus Ceaesaer fine shyt?? Shall thy shoot thy shot? Oh… seems like someone beat me to it. #nohuzz
0 CE: omg guys you know how judas betrayed Jjesus and then he like died on the big crorss outside of jerusalem? I think I jsust saw him walk back into town dripped out in a distressed outfit like okay diva, strut that, model! Hello? What an icon. I’m about to gossip with my neighbors. Ttyl!
April 1, 1692: anti-feminists non-Clairo listeners in New England!!!! Salem witch trials are actively happening. On god this guy got rejected by this 10/10 goddess and he freakin went to town hall and accused her of being a witch. How insecure do you have to be. I have to go advocate for her before she’s hung. #girlsgirl
January 16, 1847: All these wanna be hipppies are heading to Ooregon but they keep coughing. Chill out! Like I came across this family named the Donners and they just were hella hungry but all i had was Zyn and i ate my sandwich already.
April 14, 1912: Boat is sinking. I repeat, boat is sinking. I don’t gaf I’m getting on a life boat. I am a woman and a minor. People are in the water. Bro it’s so cold this is not okay. Two people are trying to climb onto a door. Oh, the guy is floating away… bruh they both def could’ve fit they’re selling
July 16, 1969: so I accidentally fell asleep when building Apollo 11 and then I ended up in space? So iI was actually the first to land on thee moon, not Neil Armstrong. He’s a phony anyways.
April 10th 1970: “There are places I remember…” Oh my Beatles. Today is the worst day of my life. Paul McCartney just announced the disbandment of the best band ever in the entire world. I cannot fathom this. Absolutely heartbreaking. I shall now sing my sorrows away, “There are places I remember… All my life, though some have changed (Ooh, ooh, ooh) Some forever, not for better Some have gone and some remain (Ooh, ooh, ooh).” Who did this to me? Tell me why-another great hit??!!!!!!!!!!!!
