Each new school year sees the return of the dreaded hallsweep. If you were mistaken enough to take an extra lap around the hall, or take one more hit in the big stall, being caught by an administrator and having your name written down on a list was the worst it came to. But have you noticed how empty the halls have been lately? As a certified hallway reaper, I am used to seeing my fellow hallway natives on the daily. So when I did my regular Harris AP Lit loop the other day and there was no Tiktok dance to awkwardly walk by and no screaming freshmen chasing each other down the hall, I knew something was up.
Perhaps the hallway sweeps had proven effective, and bulldogs were realizing that there really was value in sitting through a full period. I would have been content with this answer had I not been in the right place at the right time. It was almost like a scene from a movie when I strode by the main office and a paper wisped out of the door and landed gracefully in front of me. Picking it up I read the bolded letters: Operation P.R.I.S.O.N. In the small print below it read “Principal Recruits Innocent Students, Offering Nicotine.” After rereading in disbelief, I checked my surroundings to make sure no one had seen and stuffed the paper into my pocket.
The following day I executed my plan. Hiding in the greenhouse, I peered into the 2nd floor with my head out of view behind the plants. What took place may sound fabricated as it defies all administration norms. I watched an innocent, (definitely lesser experienced) hallway regular be lured by Ms. Porsche holding a white gummy ice geek bar. “I have more if you follow me!” Like a dog with its eyes glued to a treat, the student walked abidingly with her down to the first floor. I tracked the pair to a secret passage below the commons. Scratched into the decaying concrete wall were warnings from earlier victims. Helppppp and it’s not worth the high! among others. The passage opened up revealing a subterranean bus depot. Through the vape cloud I could make out about 20 students sitting on a bus and Ms. Porsche in the driver’s seat.
After hijacking a car I followed the bus with the licence plate “IMGEEKED” out of the tunnel. Emerging into the sunlight 20 minutes later, the road inclined and ended in a palm tree lined driveway. I watched while the students emptied the bus and were sorted by vape flavors. Gazing ahead, I gasped. A grand four story house was being constructed before my eyes. With brick in hand and vape in mouth, hundreds of students labored. Feeling someone’s hand upon my shoulder, I turned to my right to see Dr. Hart smiling. “Beautiful isn’t it?” “What is it?” I asked. “My new villa.” He said with a twinkle in his eye. “And it means clear hallways at school too. Normalize knocking out two birds with one stone!”
