Dear Dawgs,
I accidentally called my teacher “dad” in class, and now he brings it up every time he sees me—literally every time. I can’t even look over at him without hearing, “Hey, son, need some help with that problem?” or “I guess I’m your dad now, huh?” At first, it was just embarrassing, but now it’s getting a little creepy. I think he might actually think I’m his son. How do I make him stop?
Sincerely,
The favorite son
Dear favorite son,
This is definitely a sticky situation. Your teacher is either incredibly twisted or certifiably insane. Either way, it seems like your best course of action is to double down. The first step is to keep calling him dad, keep direct eye contact, and don’t back down. At this point, if he isn’t thrown off he might actually think you are his son. This might seem like a bad thing at first, but it might just be your saving grace. No parent is gonna give their kid a bad grade right? You could even go in there and ask for an allowance. You beat him at his own game, or get a little something out of it for yourself.
Good luck,
Dawgs
Dear Dawgs,
I recently switched to a new class after the semester break and it’s ruining my life. When I walked in on the first day there was only one seat open. When I went to sit in it I heard everyone around start whispering but I assumed it had nothing to do with me. Apparently, the seat I’m now assigned to is the “cuck chair”. They won’t let me participate in anything. Apparently, I’m just supposed to watch. One of my classmates handed me binoculars yesterday and said that I’d “know what to do with them”. I don’t know what to do. They throw things at me, help me please, I’m begging.
Sincerely,
James David Vance
Dear James David Vance,
Have you stopped to think that maybe you deserve the chair? Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that you happened to be assigned to it? Nobody chooses the cuck lifestyle, but the cuck lifestyle seems to have chosen you. However, just because you might be the biggest cuck on this side of the equator doesn’t mean you have to put up with getting things thrown at you (unless you like that too, you sick freak). Just remember, you can’t shame a cuck who knows they are a cuck, because then they would probably like it, and that’s weird.
Please don’t look at us,
Dawgs
