As everyone knows, short men are the most overlooked members of society. Whether it’s the long hours they have to work around christmas time or the fact that they will never be good at basketball, short kings are never able to catch a break. In a follow up to a two year old interview, The Garfield Messenger finally landed yet another interview with one of these elusive creatures. This is how it went….
Q: How tall are you?
A: 6’2”… OK I’m actually 5’11”… 5’6”… 5’3”
Q: When did you first realize you were short?
A: I first realized I was short during a sleepover. I fell in the crack between the bed and the wall. It took me a few hours to finally escape.
Q:What is the biggest struggle with being short?
A: Definitely the ants. I have to make sure I clean off all my crumbs after I eat my daily crouton or else they start to carry me away… I’ve gotten on pretty good terms with the queen at this point.
Q: What is the biggest benefit of being short?
A: I’ve saved a lot of money on concert tickets. I just have my friends bring me in their pockets. It will be really embarrassing when I finally get caught though.
Q: Speaking of concerts, how do you deal with tall people blocking your view?
A: You know how they see things above water in submarines? Yeah, they’re called periscopes and they sell them on Amazon for like twenty bucks. I’ll never have to worry about crowds again.
Q: How’s the weather down there?
A: A little muggy, it gets hotter because we’re closer to hell.
Q: Do you have to order off of the kids menu?
A: Oh god no! That’s way too much food for me. I usually just buy a normal meal and I’ll have leftovers for the rest of the week. I like to think of it as meal prep.
Q: What is the worst thing anyone has ever done to you?
A: One time a birthday clown gave me a balloon. I drifted halfway down the block before it popped. Still can’t stand heights… or clowns.
Q: Have you ever not been able to do something because of your height?
A: I can’t go in any canyons.
Q: Any parting words?
A: Toodaloo, I’ll see you guys next holiday season!
